Anxiety: something we talk about more, but understand less?

When anxiety is a disorder - and when it isn’t

It’s important to say that anxiety is not one single, simple experience. There are well-established clinical conditions - anxiety disorders - which include:

• Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
• Panic Disorder
• Social Anxiety Disorder
• Specific Phobias
• Agoraphobia
• Separation Anxiety Disorder
• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

These are not simply “high anxiety”. They are defined by specific diagnostic criteria, including how long symptoms last, how intense they are, and most importantly, how much they affect day-to-day life.

Because the key distinction isn’t whether anxiety exists. It’s whether it starts to limit how someone is able to live.

Healthy anxiety vs clinical concern

Something that often gets lost in the conversation is this: Anxiety, in itself, is not the problem.

At healthy or functional levels, anxiety tends to:

• Appear in response to something meaningful
• Feel proportionate to the situation
• Rise and fall naturally
• Support focus, preparation, and action

This is the anxiety before a presentation. The nerves before a difficult conversation. The alertness before stepping into something new or something unknown. It has a rhythm.

When anxiety becomes a clinical concern, that rhythm shifts. It often becomes:

• Persistent rather than temporary
• Excessive rather than proportionate
• Difficult to control or “switch off”
• Less connected to one situation and more widespread
• Disruptive to work, relationships, or daily functioning

At this point, anxiety isn’t just uncomfortable - it can begin to shape behaviour in limiting ways, often through avoidance or withdrawal.

The nuance we’ve started to lose

The difficulty is that we increasingly use the same word - anxiety - to describe both of these experiences.

• The natural nerves that come with doing something that matters
• And the overwhelming distress that makes everyday life difficult

When these get blurred, something subtle happens - we begin to treat all anxiety as something to eliminate!

Which means even the anxiety that is proportionate, meaningful, and connected to care, starts to feel like a problem.

Anxiety as a signal, not something to eradicate

If we zoom out, anxiety makes sense - it sharpens attention, prepares the body and it brings seriousness to moments that matter.

Without it, there would be no urgency or tension and no weight behind our decisions.

Irvin Yalom’s (see ‘Givens & Grief’ article) perspective - that humans require anxiety to live - sits uncomfortably alongside a culture that increasingly tries to remove it.

But maybe anxiety isn’t something to overcome… Maybe it’s something to understand.

At its core, anxiety is an anticipatory emotion. It shows up when something important is at stake - our safety, identity, our relationships or our future – and so I believe it is, in many ways, the cost of caring.

The spectrum: from helpful to overwhelming

Anxiety isn’t one thing. As with almost everything in this life, it exists on a spectrum.

Functional anxiety

• Energising and focusing
• Supports performance
• Short-lived and situational

Heightened anxiety

• More intrusive
• Harder to switch off
• Takes up more mental space

Overwhelming anxiety

• Dominant and consuming
• Leads to avoidance or shutdown
• Interferes with daily life

The presence of anxiety isn’t the issue, instead it’s the degree, duration, and impact that matters.

Why we’ve come to fear anxiety itself

We’re living in a culture that often suggests we should feel calm, balanced and in control most of the time. So when anxiety appears, it feels like something has gone wrong.

And from there, a second layer often forms:

• “Why do I feel like this?”
• “What does this say about me?”

We become anxious about being anxious!!!

And without dismissing the very real experience and sometimes debilitating levels of anxiety, I suggest that’s often where the experience intensifies - not because of the original situation, but because of the meaning we attach to the feeling.

The physiology: anxiety and excitement are closer than we think

There’s something quietly reassuring in the biology - anxiety and excitement feel almost identical in the body.

Both activate the sympathetic nervous system - the body’s “ready for action” response.

Which means both can involve:

• A racing heart
• Faster breathing
• Muscle tension
• A surge of energy

The difference isn’t in the body, it’s in the interpretation.

• This is a threat → anxiety
• This is something meaningful or important → excitement

Same sensation… But a different story.

Reframing anxiety: from threat to readiness

When we step back to break it down and explore it rationally, we can open up a different way of relating to anxiety. Instead of asking:

• How do I get rid of this feeling?

We might ask:

• What is this feeling preparing me for?

A simple shift can be:

• “I’m anxious” → “I’m getting ready”

Because beneath anxiety is often where we connect with care, meaning, risk and growth.

What reframing looks like in daily life

Reframing isn’t about forcing positivity; it’s about gently shifting interpretation.

• Before a presentation
  → “My body is preparing me to perform”
• Before a difficult conversation
  → “This feels hard because it matters”
• Starting something new
  → “This is what growth feels like”
• Waiting for a response or outcome
  → “My mind is trying to create certainty”
• In social situations
  → “This is energy - I can use it

The feeling remains, but the relationship changes.

Practising reframing & making it usable

Reframing isn’t something we master instantly – it’s more like something we practise daily.

• Reflect afterwards: Where did I feel anxious today?
• Use simple phrases: “This is energy” / “This matters to me”
• Notice the body first, then reinterpret it
• Practise in small, everyday moments

Over time, we begin to catch the experience earlier - not eliminating it - but changing how it lands!

A different relationship with anxiety

If anxiety is part of being human - part of caring, choosing, risking, connecting - then the goal isn’t to silence it.

It’s to build the capacity to:

• Notice it
• Understand it
• Regulate it
• And sometimes, use it

Because often, anxiety isn’t a sign that something is wrong. It’s a sign that something matters.

If this resonates…

If you recognise yourself in this - if anxiety feels like it’s becoming overwhelming, constant, or harder to manage - it might be helpful to talk it through.

You don’t have to navigate it on your own.

If you’d like support in understanding your experience of anxiety, you’re welcome to reach out via my contact page. We can explore what it’s been like for you, at your pace, and make sense of it together.